Autonomy

What is it to be an independent individual? Does it mean we don’t need people? Or that we just do it better without people? I value my individuality and independence. But maybe I only value it because it I’ve been taught to. Ever since kindergarten teachers tell you how special and unique you are and have kids make lists of all their individual talents and characteristics. Do I value my independence because I’m told that when I’m sixteen I deserve a car, when I’m eighteen I don’t need my parents consent, and that when I graduate I can go as far and wide as I please?

This week in the clinic in Las Pitas “we” (meaning the doctor) found a large mass in a woman’s stomach. It could be a cyst on her ovary or a tumor in her abdomen. The doctor can’t know without further tests. The doctor turned to us after his discovery and said in English, “We can’t tell her”.

[WHAT? Can’t tell her?! You have to tell her! She could have cancer. She deserves the right to know. It’s her body. That completely violates her personal rights. You can’t keep information like that from a patient!]

These are the thoughts that were streaming through my head as I tried to sit there without emotion and listen to the doctor. He explained that in this culture it is better to have her come back in a few months with a family member. You can’t actually tell a person directly that they suffer from a serious disease. You have to tell someone close to them.

[Well, if I had a tumor I’d want to know. I’d want to choose who knew and who didn’t that I was sick. I’d want to decide what treatment plan I followed and when and where I go to the doctor and who I see.]

Once again thoughts that my independent self fell back on. The patient left and I immediately confronted the doctor with my questions of medical ethics and how he could allow that patient to leave thinking she was perfectly healthy. He told me, “Rebekah you want to know because you can do something about it. We’re in Honduras. The people here have nothing except their families. Better to live another few months happy and healthy than to live that same time knowing you will die and without the means to fix it”.

[Oh…]

How is it that we as Americans have such an independence that we don’t even need each other any more? The people here contact family members with serious problems because they know that the family unit is the best support and the best chance a patient has for getting through a serious disease with peace. Who am I to question their practices or culture? Who am I to say that I would do it better on my own, bearing a burden in solitude? I can’t imagine living with the knowledge that you are seriously or terminally ill. But I do know that I don’t want to be so independent in this world that I find myself alone. Sometimes it’s good to be dependent.

- Rebekah