this isn't necessarily a clinic post...but it's a thought from the week.

The mall

Going to the mall is different for everyone. Some people go to the mall when they need something. They grew out of their jeans or wore down their tennis shoes for example. So, they go based on necessity. Others go to the mall to browse. They window shop and enjoy spending time trying on clothes, putting outfits together, maybe they buy something for fun if it’s on sale or a good buy. And there are others that go because they just love to shop. They would rather spend their money on clothes and being in style than they would on entertainment or food or whatever else it is we seem to spend all of our money on. These people bother me. Yesterday a few of the interns had some free time while we were in Tegucigalpa, the capital city here. So we went to the mall to grab some lunch. It’s been several weeks since we have been in that type of setting, considering the town where we spend most of our time shuts down around 8 o’clock. The mall here rivals any at home. It’s very nice and very busy with a movie theater and lots of trendy stores, families shopping together, the typical teenagers that always seem to hang out at malls. It is a very “normal” picture. So, as girls, we wanted to walk around and check out some of the stores. A couple of the girls tried some things on and one of us made some purchases. But as we walked around, I began to feel not so “normal”. I felt sick to my stomach. Something inside of me could not justify being in that environment when everyone around me was spending all this money after seeing and experiencing the things I have seen and felt these last few weeks. What really got to me though is the fact that at any other time, especially in the states, I would have no problem waltzing around casually in the mall, buying a few things here and there, and going home with absolutely no guilty conscience or a second thought about it. I have been, am, and could be, any one of those people that I saw in there. And I often am at home. Why is it that only here to I feel this pull to analyze it all? Should I have a guilty conscience over things like that at all? Or should I just find some kind of peace with the fact that I have “more” and always will. I don’t think I can find that mysterious and elusive peace and I don’t think I’m supposed to. Maybe that peace doesn’t exist at all. It doesn’t seem like God would grant a peace that would let you forget about the blessing you have and the need that others have. I don’t know. I guess what’s bothering me is that it doesn’t necessarily matter what we are spending our money on when we spend it. Because whether it’s the newest fashion, the latest c.d. releases, adventurous vacations, some great concert or a new movie, as long as we are spending it on ourselves it’s all the same. It’s easy to justify in my mind what I spend my money on, because it is important to me. But when does spending money actually make a difference? When does spending money actually make a difference to God? I think it might be when we spend it on others. And I think that’s why I got so sick to my stomach in the mall yesterday. This post isn’t one about a magnificent revelation I’ve had on how to balance living among poverty, because I am far from achieving some kind of understanding or balance in that area. It’s just an example of some of the thoughts that go through our minds here as we are trying to serve a people that we may never truly or equally relate to.

- Rebekah Slagle